My annual personal piece — and what it means.

I make one personal piece a year. Time to stretch my legs, get inspired, and do whatever my little heart desires — pun very much intended.

Evelyn

My grandmother Evelyn passed away last September. She was 94, wore stilettos and all her diamonds until six months before she died, and to call her a force was an understatement. No baked goods or knitted mittens — there was poker, bars, Old Fashions, Frank Sinatra, and a red Cadillac.

She was elegant Baltimore. One of her signatures was a gold puff heart, which my mom now wears — and that makes me very happy.

She had a vicious wit, and before she died she told me: "If we don't make fun of them Heather, how will they know we love them."

What Does My Heart Look Like?

I've always loved puff hearts, but I wanted to put my own spin on it. Which got me thinking about my own heart. What exactly does mine look like?

I was a mixed-race child born in 1980 to a Chinese father and a white mother. I looked like no one, which didn't bother me until I realized it bothered other people — around age 9. It wasn't death by a thousand papercuts. It was armor by a thousand scars. You built your walls, you let nothing land, you did not cry. But underneath all those barbs was a little girl who loved dolphins, her cat Sammy, Michael Jackson, and Barbies. Damn if anyone could see that though.

Adversity as Fuel

Last winter I heard podcaster Chris Williamson talk about adversity as fuel — powerful enough to launch an entirely new life, but only if you direct it. Pain calcifies. The chip on your shoulder becomes your identity if you let it. But he also said something that stopped me with its accuracy: the way you found your fuel when you were young doesn't have to be the way you find it now.

I've been carrying around all these barbs for 37 years, ready to fight at any moment, but I find myself rarely ever using them. The armor that saved me can't be the thing that imprisons me. Time to let that guard down.

The Piece

That's what this puff heart is for me. Coeur En Garde — a daily reminder to be a little more okay with that vulnerable heart.

At its center is a Madagascar moonstone heart, bezel set in 18k yellow gold in a matte texture. Madagascar moonstone is a relatively new find, its rainbow colors are unlike any moonstone I've seen before. Colored lab diamonds run along radiating rays in blue, pink, and pale green, punctuated by white diamonds, the whole surface catching light in a way that shifts as it moves. The pink diamonds that run along the edge of the heart are set inverted. Which means we set the stone upside down, with the point facing out. It's edgy, a little punk, and felt just right for my barbed heart. The bail is set with its own little cluster of colored diamonds, and the bail has a hinge and opens on the back, allowing me to change out the chain. It hangs from an 18k chunky rolo chain that has the same weight and presence as everything Evelyn wore. 

It is maximalist and personal and a little excessive. Evelyn would approve. She might even be proud — although she'd never tell me. 🤫 She asked my mom to put on her gravestone "Didn't we have fun?", and yes Grandma you definitely did.